How Do I Know If It’s Working?

Releasing the need for proof.

Letting go of school benchmarks means learning to recognize real growth instead.

One of the hardest parts of deschooling is this: there’s no neat report card to tell you how it’s going.

No gold stars. No test scores. No one to pat you on the back and say, “Great job, you’re doing it right.”

Which means you’ll need to start noticing different kinds of feedback. Not school-style metrics, but real-life signals that things are shifting.

At first, that can feel disorienting. Especially if your own upbringing or schooling taught you to seek external validation. So what do you look for instead?

Here are a few things that matter more than anything a worksheet can show:

Curiosity is coming back

Your child starts asking questions again. Not because they have to, but because they want to know. You see them notice patterns, dig into something random, or try to solve a problem in their own way. That spark of “I wonder…” is a sign that real learning is happening.

Daily life feels less tense

You’re not constantly arguing about lessons, screen time, or how much they’ve “accomplished.” The atmosphere softens. You laugh more. You start to notice your kid again—who they are, what they love—instead of just trying to manage them.

They start leading

Maybe they ask to try something new. Maybe they get deeply into a project and lose track of time. Maybe they decide to learn something on their own, in their own way. These moments matter more than any curriculum. They show you your child is building internal motivation, which is the heart of lifelong learning.

You’re changing too

You start questioning things you never thought to question before. You’re less quick to intervene, more comfortable with open space. You’re noticing your own triggers and beliefs. That’s not just personal growth—it’s part of the process.

It doesn’t look like school

This is a big one. Sometimes deschooling feels like “nothing is happening” because it doesn’t look like what we were taught learning should look like. But deschooling is about undoing that mindset. So if your days feel freer, more curious, and more real—even if they don’t look academic—that’s the point.

You don’t need a checklist. You don’t need to impress anyone.
You just need to keep watching for the signals that you and your kids are reconnecting to life, to yourselves, and to learning in a way that’s actually sustainable.

That’s how you know it’s working.