What About Socialization?
Relearning what it actually means to be “social”
If you’ve ever mentioned homeschooling or deschooling to someone outside the community, you’ve probably heard this one:
“But what about socialization?”
It’s the question that never dies. And it reveals something important. We’ve deeply confused conformity with connection.
School didn’t teach most of us to be social. It taught us to sit still. To raise our hands. To speak when spoken to. It taught us to blend in, follow rules, and avoid standing out.
That’s not socialization. That’s compliance.
True socialization is about learning how to be yourself with other people. How to listen. How to lead. How to navigate conflict. How to walk away when something doesn’t feel right. How to find your people.
And school rarely teaches any of that.
What kind of social life are we even talking about?
If we’re honest, school socialization is a strange setup. You're grouped by birth year, told when to talk, and discouraged from forming connections during class time. Most of the "social" time happens in hallways and cafeterias. It's loud, chaotic, and built around survival. Not real connection.
But somehow, we’re taught to believe that’s what kids need.
When people ask “What about socialization?” what they usually mean is:
Will my kid be awkward?
Will they make friends?
Will they learn how to function in the real world?
And those are real questions. But school didn’t guarantee any of that. If anything, it often made things harder.
Deschooling creates space for real connection
Once you step out of the school model, you’re free to stop pretending that structured group settings automatically build social skills. They don’t.
Instead, your child can:
Interact with people of all ages
Learn how to make friends based on shared interests, not proximity
Choose when they want to engage and when they need space
Observe real conversations between adults and be part of them
Practice saying yes, no, and everything in between
It’s slower. It takes intention. But it’s deeper and far more natural.
Here’s what it can actually look like
At a camping event last year, my son met another kid on bikes. I wasn’t hovering. I was off making my own connections, deep in conversation with other parents, building the kind of community I’d been craving.
The kids circled each other at first, then started talking and made pans to play together. That week, they had moments of connection and moments of tension. It wasn’t perfect. But it was real.
Months later, we visited the family on our way north. This time, I got to know the mom. Another single parent, and we had an incredible few days together. The next year at the same event, the kids reconnected. There were ups and downs again. We navigated it as parents, giving them space while also stepping in when needed. The kind of relational work most adults avoid sometimes. Myself included.
They grew through it. We all did.
It’s a friendship we hope to return to again and again. One that has been built over time through real experiences, not structured playdates or curated social groups. Just life lived side by side. That’s what socialization can look like when we let go of control and trust the process.
Let them fumble. That’s part of learning too.
It’s easy to panic when your child feels lonely or unsure. Especially if you’ve taken a big leap by pulling them out of school. You might feel like you have to immediately fill the gap with social activities, co-ops, or meetups.
But forced connection doesn’t solve loneliness.
Let them observe. Let them sit on the edge of the group. Let them approach someone when they feel ready. Don’t rush it. Social skills come from practice, not pressure.
Start by checking your own social life
This is the part people miss. Your kids are watching how you connect.
Do you have real friends?
Do you make time for conversation?
Do you show what healthy boundaries look like?
Do you repair when things go sideways?
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be honest and human. When kids see you building relationships intentionally, it gives them permission to do the same.
Connection can’t be forced. But it can be modeled.
Deschooling helps us unlearn the idea that social skills come from putting kids in a group and hoping for the best.
Instead, we build lives where connection happens naturally. At the grocery store. On long walks. At the park. Through shared projects and spontaneous adventures.
It doesn’t need to look like school to be enough. In fact, it’s often better that it doesn’t.
You’re doing something brave. And it matters.
If you’ve been worried about your child making friends or wondering if they’re missing out, know that this is all part of it. Keep showing up. Keep creating space for real relationships to unfold.
And while you’re at it, keep checking in with your own social needs too. You’re part of this picture. You deserve connection just as much as they do.
If this series has helped you feel seen or sparked something in your own journey, I’d love to hear from you. Share this with a friend or support my work through Buy Me a Coffee. Your presence here matters more than you know.
Enjoying this series?
This deschooling journey is personal, layered, and sometimes messy. If these articles are helping you feel more grounded and less alone, I’d love to hear from you.
Share this with a friend who needs it. Or support my work through Buy Me a Coffee so I can keep creating resources like this for families who are rethinking everything.
Thanks for being here.
– Moira